(A) SMS

1. Girls have very Stupid Speaicality..
   they wet without bath.
   they bleed without Injury.
   they give milk without eating grass.
   Make boneless thing Hard!!!..
   
2. boy:can i touch ur software?
   girl:first show me ur hard ware...
   boy:plz let me install it in ur system!!!
   girl:only if u cover it with an anti-virus..
   
3. An Army Guy Got Married , On 1st Nite realizes Wife Haveing periods ,
   He telegrams to HQ:Red alert on front Extend Leave
   Reply From HQ: Attack frm back And report ..!!
4. wts the difference b/t a burnt toast & a pregnant gf?
   in both cases u wish kash do sec pehle nikal lia hota.

5. what PEPSI stands for

   P=please
   E=enter
   P=penis
   S=slowly
   I=inside
   
   yeh dil magay more.. aha..!!
6. Three good manners of MALE penis:
   1. COURTEOUS: It stands before performing.
   2. EMOTIONAL: It cries during the performance.
   3. POLITE: It bows down after the performance
   
7. Life Without fun , Sky Without Sun , Ten without One ,
   warrior Without Gun , Batsman without run,
   Is all Like a Man without LuN .
   
8. SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.
   
9. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
10. First 4 days of girls:
    1. Love me, Don't touch me.
    2. Touch me, Don't kiss me.
    3. Kiss me, Don't fuck me.
    4. Fuck me, Don't forget me.
    
11. Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
    tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
    breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
12. Advantages of breast milk?
    
    A) No need to boil.
    B) Cat can't steal it.
    C) Available in attractive containers.
    D) Popular in all age groups.
    E) Ek Pee Ek Free
13. A small child wrote 2 SANTA CLAUS;
    Send me a brother.
    SANTA wrote back;
    Send me ur mother...
14. HOW DOES A CRICKET COMMENTATOR DESCRIBES A NAKE WOMAN?
    NO COVER
    NO EXTRA COVER
    NO SLIP
    2 SILLY POINTS
    2 FINE LEGS
    AND A DEEP GULLY
    LITTLE GRASS ON THE PITCH
15. BOY:pora under gaya?
    Girl:Ouch...Haan
    Boy:Zyada lag to nahin rha na?
    Girl:Haan thora thora...
    BOy:Oye sheeday baji ko 8 number wala joota dikhana:)
16. A 50 years old man during fucking an old woman of 90,starts suckung her breasts,after 10 min the man got died,police came and make postmartum report,in report it was written that the milk was xpired.....
17. What is common between Moov cream and a penis?
    
    Dono gehraai tak jaaye, garmahat laaye, aaram dilaaye.
    "Aahhh se A-haaaa tak"..

18. Wife n Mobile

    
    1) Dono hi dusro ke achche lagte hai.
    
    2) Dono hi naye achche lagte hai.
    
    3) Dono ko hi raat bhar charge karna padta hai.
19. Mother asks daughter,how is ur sex life? daughter replies like British Airways.Mother reads the ad and is shocked."7 days a week,twice a day,Both ways"
20. Wife says to husband,Did u know that a bull can manage sex everyday thats 365 times a year? husband replies: Yes, but he doesnt have to fuck the same cow everytime! :D
21. Women top 7 lies:
    1: I love you
    2: I am virgin
    3: I hate sex
    4: You are the first one touching me
    5: Oh its too big? How wld it go inside?
    6: I hate sucking
    7: Alright - but u wld do it only once!
22. What do woman says usually after sex?
    I love u
    No
    It was gr8
    Not at all
    I liked it
    Wrong again
    The answer is
    Tissue… Tissue… Hurry up
    
23. A man phoned and asked,'221714'?
    Lady: Pls urdu mein bolo,
    Man: Do- Do-Ek-Sath-Choda ?
    Lady: "Nahein sir, ghalt kaha! yeah Teen-Teen-Ek-Sath-Choda hai"
24. Wife: Pehle daily kartay thay
    Phir Weekly Or Ab Monthly kartay ho.......:(
    
    Man : pehle teri aisi () thi,
    phir Aisi ( ) hui,
    ab Aisi ( ) Hai..:)
    AB KIA APNA SIR DALOON...:)
25. A girl with his boyfriend opened her legs inviting him 2 fuck and asked: Hamare baby ka naam kya hoga?
    He wears a condom n says: Iske baad bhi hogaya to ‘Jadugar’.
26. Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them.
    Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
    
27. Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number!
28. Two girls taking shower together. 1st girl: I have so much hair on my pussy, why is your pussy so clean? 2nd girl: Have you ever seen grass on a busy road.
29. Inteligent man + intelligent woman = AFAIR,
    Inteligent man + Stupid woman = PRAGNANCY,
    stupid man + intelligent lady = SCANDLE
30. Inteligent man + intelligent woman = AFAIR,
    Inteligent man + Stupid woman = PRAGNANCY,
    stupid man + intelligent lady = SCANDLE
31. Wife ‘A’= I hate my Engineer husband, erect n erect..
    Wife “B=mine is Dr inject n inject …
    Wife “C= U both r lucky, mine is Lawyer! Postpone n postpone
32. Sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtract clothes, divide the legs... and MULTIPLY
33. When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
    When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
34. Sex is like nokia -connecting people
    like Nike -just do it
    Like Pepsi -ask for more
    Like Samsung -everyone is invated
    and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
35. wich boy has permission to get into gurlz bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes????
    ......
    .....
    ....
    .....
    .....
    .....
    ...
    ....
    ....
    ..........
    ...............
    .......
    ...................
    ...........
    ............
    ...........
    
    LIFEBOY..... LOLZ
36. A couple recently married was happy with the whole
    thing. He was
    happy with the hole & She was happy with the thing!
37. A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.
    "Wanted - Girl
    Age no bar,
    looks no bar,
    Money no bar,
    But SEX Baar-baar,
    Hazaar bar...........
    Lagataar...........!
38. Top 5 TV programmes:
    1. Kaun marega kisi ki fuddi.
    2. Kyun ki saas bhi kabhi chudi thi.
    3. Chuttar faadh ke.
    4. Kahani lun-lun ki....
    5. Ek mahal ho mommo ka..
39. Touch it gently.. Put ur finger inside.. If hole is
    big put three
    fingers.... Rub it up & down gently
    ....................... that's the
    right way of washing the glass!!!!!
40. A Rocket & a Plane meet after ages.
    Plane says: "Yaar rocket, tu itni tez raftaar se kaise
    udh jate ho?"
    Rocket replies "Yeh toh wohi jaane jis ke gand main
    AAG lagi ho...."
41. Come here, take of ur pants & knickers, get on the top
    of me.
    Enjoy until u get satisfied. Lovingly urs-----,
    "I------TOILET".
42. 25 useless things in a man:
    20 nails
    02 nipples that don't milk
    02 balls that you cannot play with. &
    01 cock that does not lay egg.
43. Policeman arrested a prostitute.
    Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!
    Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"
    Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demonstration
44. Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX???
    2% eat
    3% smoke cigarettes
    4% take a shower
    5% go to sleep
    86% get up and go back home to their wife.
45. Girls reaction to penis sizes:
    # 9'' - oh shit pain!
    # 7'' - oh yes, yummy!
    # 6'' - oh perfect!
    # 5'' - mmm its ok!
    # 4'' - try to push more
    # 3'' - is it in?
    # 2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue.
46. Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
    A - Airport (flat)
    B - Barely there
    C - Can do
    D - Damn good
    E - Enormous
    F - Fake

47. Women are unpredictable

    
    Before marriage, she expects a man.
    After marriage, she suspects her man. &
    After his death, she respects him.

48. During pregnancy
    

    The 1st three months, do it the normal style
    Next three months do it the doggy style
    And the last three months do it the wolf style. sit outside the hole and
    how.
49. All couples have different phases of sex life:
    Age 20ies - Din Ratee (Day & Night)
    Age 30ies - Juma Ratee (Friday Night)
    Age 40ies - Eid Shab Ratee (Once In a Year)
    Age 50ies - Galat Baatee (only feelings)
50. 6 beautiful girls went to swim in a swimming pool but suddenly all the water disappeared.How? NAYA whisper ab Pehele se bhi jyada gilapan sokhe.
51. Woman: Teach me how to play tennis. Coach:Sure,hold the racket the way u hold ur lovers organ.Woman: ok Coach:Madam pls,take the racket out of ur mouth
52. What is the difference between a Cricketer and a Condom?Cricketer drops the catch, and a Condom catchs the drops.
53. Difference b/w panties of 1970 & 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the buttocks to see the panties.
54. Sardar engaged to a girl and then broke the engagement
    because she was a virgin. Jo aaj tak kisi ke
    kaam nahi aayi, woh mere kya kaam aayegi ...bolo tara ra ra ...
55. (. .) 18 YEARS
    ).(
    ( * )
    
    -------------------------
    
    ( o o ) 25Y
    ) . (
    ( * )
    
    -------------------------
    
    ( O O ) 35 Y
    ) o (
    ( * )
    
    -------------------------
    
    CHANGE WOMAN
    BEFORE LATE
56. Call girl goes 2 schol 4 a job.
    Principal: can U teach zoology, biology,geology
    or physiology?
    She: No !No!Only
    daloJi,NikaloJi,
    dabaoji ;-)
57. ACCIDENTS TAKE A MINUTE BUT SUFFERINGS LAST A LIFE TIME, Please wear Condom & Helmet on your appropriate Heads during "Respective rides".
58. Hostel me 1 ladka dusre se bola "yaar exam paas aa gaye hai, muze kal jaldi utha dena" Dusra bola "tu mera lund pakad k so ja, ye roz mujse pahle uth jata hai
59. Car Salesgirl to a Callgirl- Agar Aaj koi Car na biki to Meri to Chaddi uttar jaegi...
    
    Call girl- Aur agar Aaj Meri Chaddi na uttri to Meri Car bik jaegi.!!!
60. Girl1: Agar me car ke niche aajau to, 1 month no college.
    Girl2: Me truck ke niche ajau, 2 months no college.
    Boy: tum mere niche aajao, 9 months no college :-D